Lessons…

It’s been difficult over the past 4 years to really articulate what I’ve been through. Easiest way has been through memes, quotes and pictures. It’s not always easy to write about something so personal in a public space. But today out of all days in the year I felt the need to write…

This time 4 years ago, I was too excited to sleep.
Wishing him a goodnight with love so deep.

This time 3 years ago, I hugged him tight, and told him “thank you for making me your wife”.

This time 2 years ago I couldn’t sleep; not from hope or excitement, but despair and disbelief.

This time 1 year ago, I forgot his face. Memories of us which I’ve now gladly erased.

This time, tonight, I sleep happy and care free; So dont look at me worried, feeling all sorry for me.

I have arisen from the flame with Love and Life; Don’t stop me now, unless you’re ready for my fight.
– Saira

In all of this time whilst I was healing, I learnt a few things:

1. The hardest thing about realising someone didn’t love you is thinking why they spent a lot of time pretending they did. Still baffles me at times but leads me on to my second point.

2. Some people will only “love you” as much as they can use you. Their loyalty ends when the benefits stop. Simple as.

3. I feel we are stuck in a generation these days where loyalty is just a tattoo, love is just a quote, and lying is the new truth.

4. A clear rejection from someone is so much better than a fake promise! I’d take a rejection over fake promise any day.

5. I was left to feel that I wasn’t good enough. I quickly learnt that my problem was not, not being good enough, my problem was thinking i had to be.

6. Don’t feel sad over someone who gave up on you, feel sorry for them because they gave up on someone who would never have given up on them.

7. For those going through heartache right now, time actually does heal, and so does having faith in God.

8. To anyone feeling absolutely wrecked heartbroken and confused: Google ‘narcissistic personality disorder’. It’s not you.

9. Don’t look back. You’re not going that way.

10. Remember, they may have put you through hell but they cannot ever break you. They don’t have that kind of power. X