Misc

My curly journey

So I think it’s about time I check in with my curly community about my natural hair journey. For those who don’t know, I finally made the decision to stop straightening my hair and embrace the crazy mop of hair God blessed me with!

As a little girl, I never really thought about my hair…I relied on my awesome mum to do my hair, who would always just braid my hair into two ponytails to make sure I looked tidy and presentable. As I got older going into my teens, I realised that all the other brown girls around me had soft straight hair which flowed with the wind, and was highly manageable, whilst mine just stayed in one place and always had to be tied up or braided. Straighteners had just become popular and I remember I purchased one of those old school babyliss ones. Gosh I was in love! This hot plate would make the frizziest of hair straight and manageable?! Whaaat…. I was hooked. Since then, straightening, and blowdrys became the norm for me. Any party, wedding, birthdays called for a fresh blow out! I could never be seen with natural hair…NEVER.

After having gone through a major incident in my life, I felt like I had finally woken up to reality. Lets just say that trying to be someone I was NOT, just to conform to others perception of beauty became very tiring. I was sick of hearing I had to dress like that or look like this…
Whilst picking up the shattered pieces of my heart, I started falling in love with myself. YES, I love myself; and through this I embraced my natural self, curly, curvy, strong, confident and beautiful.

I completely stopped straightening my hair in December 2017. It’s been a long journey but I can already see the difference in myself let alone my hair. Not only do I feel liberated, I feel beautiful! I’m sure my fellow curly girls know, the journey is a long one, but it’s so worth it in the end. I still have a way to go, but I’m happy to have found a journey worth taking.

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To all my curlies and natural brothers and sisters…. the wait is worth it. Yes you will have some days you want to just plug in that straightener. DONT DO IT. Lol… keep going and continue using natural products without parabens silicones and sulphates, and you will see just how amazing your hair feels and looks!

Some of you have asked me which brands of products I use and have found work for me. Here is a list of brands I regularly use:

  • As I Am
  • Shea Moisture
  • Cantu
  • Flora & Curl
  • Bouncecurl
Misc

Nature is my medicine

Why do they call this ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE when nature and all its goodness was the ORIGINAL MEDICINE?! 🍁
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As you can tell it’s that time again where my body is telling me to pause, take a minute and listen to it because it’s finally run down! I’m in bed with a fever, body is aching, throat has had it, and eyes are hurting. My go to remedy is always my @doterra
Essential oils. I’ve posted about this before but any aromatherapist will tell you, this combination of lavender and tea tree oil is a very good “alternative” to conventional meds… and if you are someone like me who stays away from conventional meds and drugs (unless of course you have a Long term condition), then this natural combo could help you too.
Anyone else use essential oils for their health?

Misc

Lessons…

It’s been difficult over the past 4 years to really articulate what I’ve been through. Easiest way has been through memes, quotes and pictures. It’s not always easy to write about something so personal in a public space. But today out of all days in the year I felt the need to write…

This time 4 years ago, I was too excited to sleep.
Wishing him a goodnight with love so deep.

This time 3 years ago, I hugged him tight, and told him “thank you for making me your wife”.

This time 2 years ago I couldn’t sleep; not from hope or excitement, but despair and disbelief.

This time 1 year ago, I forgot his face. Memories of us which I’ve now gladly erased.

This time, tonight, I sleep happy and care free; So dont look at me worried, feeling all sorry for me.

I have arisen from the flame with Love and Life; Don’t stop me now, unless you’re ready for my fight.
– Saira

In all of this time whilst I was healing, I learnt a few things:

1. The hardest thing about realising someone didn’t love you is thinking why they spent a lot of time pretending they did. Still baffles me at times but leads me on to my second point.

2. Some people will only “love you” as much as they can use you. Their loyalty ends when the benefits stop. Simple as.

3. I feel we are stuck in a generation these days where loyalty is just a tattoo, love is just a quote, and lying is the new truth.

4. A clear rejection from someone is so much better than a fake promise! I’d take a rejection over fake promise any day.

5. I was left to feel that I wasn’t good enough. I quickly learnt that my problem was not, not being good enough, my problem was thinking i had to be.

6. Don’t feel sad over someone who gave up on you, feel sorry for them because they gave up on someone who would never have given up on them.

7. For those going through heartache right now, time actually does heal, and so does having faith in God.

8. To anyone feeling absolutely wrecked heartbroken and confused: Google ‘narcissistic personality disorder’. It’s not you.

9. Don’t look back. You’re not going that way.

10. Remember, they may have put you through hell but they cannot ever break you. They don’t have that kind of power. X

Empowerment · Misc

Law vs Culture

Growing up in an African and South Asian family, having a somewhat mixed heritage, I’ve always paid close attention to the different situations occurring in those particular regions. Having been born and brought up in Great Britain, a western and somewhat civilised society, I am fortunate enough to never have experienced some of the world’s injustices that occur everyday for many around the world. Injustices which have caused death, war, and destruction. One of the biggest forms of injustice occurring around the world is this sense of discrimination against particular groups; whether it be gender, religion, ethnicity, or sexuality related. Discrimination against women and children, however, has been an occurrence for MANY years and is shockingly still seen today in the developing world alike. What some may consider a private matter or a socio-cultural tradition is often a deprivation of an individual’s freedom and a direct violation of international human rights.

I grew up listening to some great stories of my mother’s country of birth, Pakistan. I often visited as a child too enjoying the family, culture, food, fashion and historical sites. I enjoyed playing with the children I met in the public park only to overhear bystanders make fun of me for playing with what they called “Churay”. At first I never understood what this meant, but quickly picked up that it was the term given to those seen to be “unclean”. You can imagine my reaction – unclean? What they didn’t get around to washing their hands today? No. It was the term given to those who often were paid to clean toilets and do all the dirty work around the house. I was horrified. Absolutely disheartened that others didn’t treat those kids the same as they treated me because of the jobs they did! It went against EVERYTHING I believed in and what I was taught by my parents: That we are ALL equal; NO-ONE is above or beneath you; We all bleed red; We are all one under God.

This whole thing of isolating a group of people because of the type of job they do, and calling them names like ‘churay’ or ‘chura’ is outdated, retrogressive, and one of the evils of the feudalistic society which plagues not only certain parts of Pakistan, but many developing countries for that matter. Because of this, women and young girls are usually the ones who are on the receiving end of abuse, exploitation and neglect.

Take Pakistan’s “Heera Mandi” (“Diamond Market”) as an other example; a red-light district associated with traditional dancing and singing, home and workplace to a large proportion of female sex workers including their children and other run-away children alike. Women are often led down the road to prostitution as unemployment and inflation cause a rise in poverty. However, sadly it seems that often family members reluctantly have to resort to forcing loved ones into prostitution to pay off personal debts.

Children of commercial sex workers are being ostracised by society by DEFAULT even before they are ever given the chance to develop their personality and status in the world.  Where is the justice and equality that we are all given as a birth right here? Sadly, no where to be seen. Society begins to differentiate between children of sex workers and so called mainstream “normal” children.  Unfortunately this leads to children being seen as illegitimate and are further stigmatised and therefore separated from mainstream schools and establishments. They are treated like minorities within their own country and are therefore often subject to terrible violence and denial of their rights; most importantly in my books: THE RIGHT TO AN EDUCATION.

The hope of an education, which is a birth given right in many developed countries, is almost dream-like in Pakistan for the children of Heera Mandi. It seems that the early years in which children go through school and get an education, is replaced in Pakistan’s Heera Mandi by constant discrimination, violence, rape, and torture and no education and awareness. The present state of these children is unacceptable and if nothing is done about it, then the children of sex workers in Pakistan will forever be victimised by their own country.

Saying this, I am so glad to see that Pakistan as a country has been an early international leader in the protection of the rights of children around the world. They ratified the Convention on the Rights of the Child in 1990 and began their commitment to defending rights of children. It was only until fairly recently when Pakistan became the 144th country to ratify the Optional Protocol to the Convention on the Rights of the Child on the sale of children, child prostitution and child pornography. When it comes to Women, Pakistan, particularly Punjab, has made it very clear that:

Women’s rights mean privileges and freedoms equal to those of men. Women rights refer to the fundamental rights in the political, economic, civil, social and cultural spheres.

The Constitution of Pakistan even provides equal rights to women, and the chapter on Principles of Policy underlines the principle of equal rights and equal treatment to ALL citizens/ persons, without any distinction including on the basis of SEX.

Despite all of this, women and children in certain parts of Pakistan, are still being exploited, denied rights, and excluded from mainstream society. Why though? Why is this still happening when even the law of the land protects women against such practices? It seems that the cultural norms that lie at the heart of Pakistani society have been exploited to oppress and discriminate against women. The so-called protectors of cultural practices are, in reality, the oppressors. This, then seems to generate these social biases which are most often to the detriment of women.

Men in Pakistan have retained, through the colonial legacy, a public role and relegated women to domestic chores. Even within the household, men are the managers. Thus women owe allegiance to men who not only control public and political affairs but also the household. The public/private dichotomy has undeniably resulted in the subjugation of women. They are the victims of social and cultural malpractices in the name of tradition and customs. – Criterion Quarterly

Pakistan has also put special measures in place to protect women against any form of discrimination by ratifying the Convention on the Elimination of all forms of Discrimination Against Women (CEDAW). Article 5 of CEDAW aims to modify social and cultural practices with a view to achieving the elimination of prejudices and discriminatory customary practices. It’s exactly that – CULTURAL practices which of course lie at the heart of Pakistani society. Many of these practices (now only practiced in remote areas of Pakistan) deprive women of their basic rights of life, freedom and dignity. They are implemented in the name of religion half the time, and the patriarchal system prevalent in the country. Honour killings and acid attacks of women even in my own country of Great Britain have become alarmingly frequent and need to be dealt with.

One woman is raped every six hours and one woman is a victim of domestic violence every two hours.- Human Rights Commission Pakistan

Despite the provisions of the various articles in the Constitution of Pakistan that uphold human dignity and equality, we see women shy away from reporting any abuse or crime they have been victim to because of the social bias authorities have towards men. Women suffer in spite of recognised ratified laws. In order to bring about a change in the way women and children are treated, we must transform the mindset of the people. Only then will we restore RESPECT for women; a direction towards respecting the female child of the family. Giving equal treatment to male and female children will inspire women with the dignity that has been denied to them. The three things that will play a big role in all of this is the home, the family and the school.  If these values and this change of mindset are introduced in the education system, a cultural revolution that pushes away all the negative tradition-based biases against women can be achieved. A change in attitude has to come from within so that collectively there is a willingness to prevent any form of discrimination and inequality against women or children.

In celebration of International Women’s Day (8th March), I write this blog as an Advocate of women’s rights and victims of domestic abuse, and more so an issue that deeply affects me. In no way am I criticising Pakistan as a country. Rather, I am highlighting that even though there are laws in place that may guarantee human rights and protection, all are meaningless unless they are faithfully implemented.