It’s been difficult over the past 4 years to really articulate what I’ve been through. Easiest way has been through memes, quotes and pictures. It’s not always easy to write about something so personal in a public space. But today out of all days in the year I felt the need to write…
This time 4 years ago, I was too excited to sleep.
Wishing him a goodnight with love so deep.
This time 3 years ago, I hugged him tight, and told him “thank you for making me your wife”.
This time 2 years ago I couldn’t sleep; not from hope or excitement, but despair and disbelief.
This time 1 year ago, I forgot his face. Memories of us which I’ve now gladly erased.
This time, tonight, I sleep happy and care free; So dont look at me worried, feeling all sorry for me.
I have arisen from the flame with Love and Life; Don’t stop me now, unless you’re ready for my fight.
In all of this time whilst I was healing, I learnt a few things:
1. The hardest thing about realising someone didn’t love you is thinking why they spent a lot of time pretending they did. Still baffles me at times but leads me on to my second point.
2. Some people will only “love you” as much as they can use you. Their loyalty ends when the benefits stop. Simple as.
3. I feel we are stuck in a generation these days where loyalty is just a tattoo, love is just a quote, and lying is the new truth.
4. A clear rejection from someone is so much better than a fake promise! I’d take a rejection over fake promise any day.
5. I was left to feel that I wasn’t good enough. I quickly learnt that my problem was not, not being good enough, my problem was thinking i had to be.
6. Don’t feel sad over someone who gave up on you, feel sorry for them because they gave up on someone who would never have given up on them.
7. For those going through heartache right now, time actually does heal, and so does having faith in God.
8. To anyone feeling absolutely wrecked heartbroken and confused: Google ‘narcissistic personality disorder’. It’s not you.
9. Don’t look back. You’re not going that way.
10. Remember, they may have put you through hell but they cannot ever break you. They don’t have that kind of power. X
Growing up in an African and South Asian family, having a somewhat mixed heritage, I’ve always paid close attention to the different situations occurring in those particular regions. Having been born and brought up in Great Britain, a western and somewhat civilised society, I am fortunate enough to never have experienced some of the world’s injustices that occur everyday for many around the world. Injustices which have caused death, war, and destruction. One of the biggest forms of injustice occurring around the world is this sense of discrimination against particular groups; whether it be gender, religion, ethnicity, or sexuality related. Discrimination against women and children, however, has been an occurrence for MANY years and is shockingly still seen today in the developing world alike. What some may consider a private matter or a socio-cultural tradition is often a deprivation of an individual’s freedom and a direct violation of international human rights.
I grew up listening to some great stories of my mother’s country of birth, Pakistan. I often visited as a child too enjoying the family, culture, food, fashion and historical sites. I enjoyed playing with the children I met in the public park only to overhear bystanders make fun of me for playing with what they called “Churay”. At first I never understood what this meant, but quickly picked up that it was the term given to those seen to be “unclean”. You can imagine my reaction – unclean? What they didn’t get around to washing their hands today? No. It was the term given to those who often were paid to clean toilets and do all the dirty work around the house. I was horrified. Absolutely disheartened that others didn’t treat those kids the same as they treated me because of the jobs they did! It went against EVERYTHING I believed in and what I was taught by my parents: That we are ALL equal; NO-ONE is above or beneath you; We all bleed red; We are all one under God.
This whole thing of isolating a group of people because of the type of job they do, and calling them names like ‘churay’ or ‘chura’ is outdated, retrogressive, and one of the evils of the feudalistic society which plagues not only certain parts of Pakistan, but many developing countries for that matter. Because of this, women and young girls are usually the ones who are on the receiving end of abuse, exploitation and neglect.
Take Pakistan’s “Heera Mandi” (“Diamond Market”) as an other example; a red-light district associated with traditional dancing and singing, home and workplace to a large proportion of female sex workers including their children and other run-away children alike. Women are often led down the road to prostitution as unemployment and inflation cause a rise in poverty. However, sadly it seems that often family members reluctantly have to resort to forcing loved ones into prostitution to pay off personal debts.
Children of commercial sex workers are being ostracised by society by DEFAULT even before they are ever given the chance to develop their personality and status in the world. Where is the justice and equality that we are all given as a birth right here? Sadly, no where to be seen. Society begins to differentiate between children of sex workers and so called mainstream “normal” children. Unfortunately this leads to children being seen as illegitimate and are further stigmatised and therefore separated from mainstream schools and establishments. They are treated like minorities within their own country and are therefore often subject to terrible violence and denial of their rights; most importantly in my books: THE RIGHT TO AN EDUCATION.
The hope of an education, which is a birth given right in many developed countries, is almost dream-like in Pakistan for the children of Heera Mandi. It seems that the early years in which children go through school and get an education, is replaced in Pakistan’s Heera Mandi by constant discrimination, violence, rape, and torture and no education and awareness. The present state of these children is unacceptable and if nothing is done about it, then the children of sex workers in Pakistan will forever be victimised by their own country.
Saying this, I am so glad to see that Pakistan as a country has been an early international leader in the protection of the rights of children around the world. They ratified the Convention on the Rights of the Child in 1990 and began their commitment to defending rights of children. It was only until fairly recently when Pakistan became the 144th country to ratify the Optional Protocol to the Convention on the Rights of the Child on the sale of children, child prostitution and child pornography. When it comes to Women, Pakistan, particularly Punjab, has made it very clear that:
Women’s rights mean privileges and freedoms equal to those of men. Women rights refer to the fundamental rights in the political, economic, civil, social and cultural spheres.
The Constitution of Pakistan even provides equal rights to women, and the chapter on Principles of Policy underlines the principle of equal rights and equal treatment to ALL citizens/ persons, without any distinction including on the basis of SEX.
Despite all of this, women and children in certain parts of Pakistan, are still being exploited, denied rights, and excluded from mainstream society. Why though? Why is this still happening when even the law of the land protects women against such practices? It seems that the cultural norms that lie at the heart of Pakistani society have been exploited to oppress and discriminate against women. The so-called protectors of cultural practices are, in reality, the oppressors. This, then seems to generate these social biases which are most often to the detriment of women.
Men in Pakistan have retained, through the colonial legacy, a public role and relegated women to domestic chores. Even within the household, men are the managers. Thus women owe allegiance to men who not only control public and political affairs but also the household. The public/private dichotomy has undeniably resulted in the subjugation of women. They are the victims of social and cultural malpractices in the name of tradition and customs. – Criterion Quarterly
Pakistan has also put special measures in place to protect women against any form of discrimination by ratifying the Convention on the Elimination of all forms of Discrimination Against Women (CEDAW). Article 5 of CEDAW aims to modify social and cultural practices with a view to achieving the elimination of prejudices and discriminatory customary practices. It’s exactly that – CULTURAL practices which of course lie at the heart of Pakistani society. Many of these practices (now only practiced in remote areas of Pakistan) deprive women of their basic rights of life, freedom and dignity. They are implemented in the name of religion half the time, and the patriarchal system prevalent in the country. Honour killings and acid attacks of women even in my own country of Great Britain have become alarmingly frequent and need to be dealt with.
One woman is raped every six hours and one woman is a victim of domestic violence every two hours.- Human Rights Commission Pakistan
Despite the provisions of the various articles in the Constitution of Pakistan that uphold human dignity and equality, we see women shy away from reporting any abuse or crime they have been victim to because of the social bias authorities have towards men. Women suffer in spite of recognised ratified laws. In order to bring about a change in the way women and children are treated, we must transform the mindset of the people. Only then will we restore RESPECT for women; a direction towards respecting the female child of the family. Giving equal treatment to male and female children will inspire women with the dignity that has been denied to them. The three things that will play a big role in all of this is the home, the family and the school. If these values and this change of mindset are introduced in the education system, a cultural revolution that pushes away all the negative tradition-based biases against women can be achieved. A change in attitude has to come from within so that collectively there is a willingness to prevent any form of discrimination and inequality against women or children.
In celebration of International Women’s Day (8th March), I write this blog as an Advocate of women’s rights and victims of domestic abuse, and more so an issue that deeply affects me. In no way am I criticising Pakistan as a country. Rather, I am highlighting that even though there are laws in place that may guarantee human rights and protection, all are meaningless unless they are faithfully implemented.
Last week I was on the London Underground listening to Super Soul Conversations on Spotify with the inspiring Ms Oprah Winfrey. Her special guest was one of the all time happiness guru’s, Gretchen Rubin, who spoke about her happiness project.
Having listened to this, I asked myself a question which I don’t feel we get time to ask ourselves often: “What makes you happy?”
I wanted to challenge myself and create my own Happy Life Commandments and in turn challenge YOU, the reader, into doing the same and sharing this movement to create a ripple effect of positivity.
Below are my very own Happy Life Commandments:
1 – Just let it go.
When our life is already filled with too much business, rush, stress, and worries…just for a moment, let go of all that.
Everyday of our lives we are glued to machines vying for our attention; rings, beeps, vibrations, flags, likes, double taps, selfies…Sometimes you need to take a moment out for yourself when it gets a bit much, and let it go.
The noise you may hear from people trying to dictate your life to you, causing you unnecessary stress and concern… who cares right? RIGHT. Your life is YOURS not theirs, so let them make all the noise they want. Let it go.
2018 is definitely the year to stop troubling yourself over the smallest things. There are other bigger and better things you can shift that energy onto: YOURSELF. Learn more about yourself, create, innovate, love and just let it go.
2- Be Saira
It’s usually after a tragic incident that you start to really learn about yourself. Self exploration I call it. But If you’re lucky, you will have someone to teach you all this on your journey of self exploration.
Before the new year started, I made a pact with myself to own my God given gifts and my flaws, because it is THIS that makes me unique. My individuality comes from accepting and owning all that is me.
To all the girls who got told they were big and risk not being married- you are STRONG and BEAUTIFUL just the way you are and any man who doesn’t see that isn’t worth having. Love yourself first, because no one can make you happy unless you are happy with yourself first.
To all the girls who were made fun of for having fuller lips- isn’t it just fascinating and ironic to see the same people paying £££££ for them now?!
To all the girls who are pressured into straightening and damaging their natural hair with harsh products and heat because your natural hair is “too big” – Absolutely stupid…[Also SORRY but I can’t hear that noise over the volume of my own hair!!! LOL]
I love my curls and will rock them forever. Join me curlies in my #NoHeat2018 mission!
3- Think before you speak
T- is it True?
H- is it Helpful?
I – is it Inspiring?
N- is it Necessary?
K- is it Kind?
4- Keep dreaming
I’ve realised that dreams don’t have an expiration date, so we never have to stop…dream all you want and dream big!
5- Count your blessings
It is so quick to count ALL the problems we have in life, but we never count our blessings. I’ve really struggled at this but I have noticed that by counting my blessings, even the smallest ones, the problems don’t seem as big and concerning anymore. I can live with that.
6- Don’t worry about the future
Ok honestly, how many times has worrying about the future made you upset? It always bugs me because I am a natural born worrier! I have realised however that there is no point in worrying about the future, if I can’t take care of my present! So I have started to stop worrying and living in the moment, letting the future take care of it self for now.
7- Pay attention to the mind-body-soul connection
We all know that synchronicity and alignment of these three things is what ultimately brings PEACE. Being aware of YOU, and feed yourself nothing but truth, hope, love, harmony, joy and peace.
8 – LOVE
Love all you can… you will only get it back in abundance. I truly believe this. There is no room for judgement or any kind of negativity towards others in my books. Love one another and we can all live happily ever after! Our world needs more of this.
9- Listen to your heart
The most useful asset of a person is not a head full of knowledge, but instead a heart full of love and hands to help. You aren’t ever going to escape that feeling you get in your heart every time something happens, so you may as well listen to what it has to say. Your heart may be on your left, but it’s ALWAYS right!
10- Never stop questioning
I was once told off by a teacher during primary school for asking too many questions in class. In fact the teacher told my parents at the parents evening that “Saira tends to disrupt the class by asking too many questions”. Well, I still didn’t listen clearly, because asking questions is what has saved me from a lot of things that could have gone horribly wrong.
Even Einstein himself said that “the important thing is to never stop questioning. Never lose a holy curiosity”.
Take that Sir!
11- Trust the process
I have accepted and learnt that life won’t change in a day, week or month. You have to be patient. I also believe that we always end up right where we are meant to be right when we are meant to be there. Nothing in life will ever be random. I used to think it was, but my gosh was I wrong. Trust the process. I finally do.
So there you have it, my 11 Happy Life Commandments that I aim to stick by this year. It’s a great exercise worth doing for yourself and if you’d like to share them with me, then please do so! I would love to know what happy life commandments you have listed for yourself! Make sure you tag me on instagram and use the hashtag #HappySai11 to get this trending!
Being a curly girl, I absolutely HAVE to ensure my hair is NEVER dry…
So, the day before I am due to wash my hair, I like to give it a little TLC! After all, it sure deserves it during this cold weather plus IT’S FRIDAAYYYYYYYY- AND the weekend before new year! Oh how excited I am for 2018, but that my dears will be another blog.
If you follow me on instagram you will have seen my hair TLC routine. Below are the oils and their details which hopefully will help you decide whether you decide to give it a go too. (I really recommend it for curly hair, I’m a 3A hair type, and it works amazingly for me!)
- Coconut oil is rich in antioxidants, and has antiviral, antifungal, and antibacterial properties. Whenever it is used on hair, it can help improve the health of your scalp, fight infections, all whilst supporting hair growth and adding volume, moisture and shine. Coconut oil can be used on skin and has been used by all the women in my family for years! Make sure to get the extra virgin coconut oil for greatest benefits. COCONUT OIL IS LIFE.
- Castor oil is a must for me. Being a Londoner, my hair faces London’s pollution on a daily basis which can prevent my hair follicles from reciveing the nutirition it needs. Castor oil strengthens the roots, thickens hair, enhances hair colour and boosts hair growth- YES your hair will grow longer quicker the more you incorporate it into your life. It can also repair any split ends and control dandruff. The best kind in my opinion is jamaican castor oil, but for now I am using the one by ORS which has been incredible.
- Peppermint oil is just so refreshing. I like to add a few drops of this into the mixture as it improves hair growth and helps with any scalp issues like dryness and itchiness. Peppermint oil also makes you feel like your scalp is breathing. This is because the menthol in peppermint oil is a vasodilator, and vasodilators improve blood flow. There are different strengths of peppermint oil, but doTerra do an excellent pure and strong peppermint essential oil.
Now take all the above and mix all together nicely and work through your scalp massaging in sections to ensure you cover your whole head. Then take the rest and work through your hair all the way from head to ends! Comb through and wrap up with an old light scarf (preferably silk or satin) and sleep! Wash the next day.
Tip 1: Try a little castor oil on your lashes to help growth!
Tip 2: Use one drop of peppermint oil on lips for a natural lip plumper and enhancer!
I Am, an asthmatic…
…so naturally I am prescribed inhalers to help assist my whole respiratory system. I was prescribed inhalers from a very young age, and since I can remember, have never liked them! They make you cough, dry out your throat, not to mention the powdered doses that taste like dried up concrete. In addition to all this, they can increase your heart rate too, leaving you with the shaky shakes!
Now I have been a sporty gal for a long time. I played for the high school basketball team, I did gymnastics in year 5 and 6, and have danced most of my life, including becoming a zumba instructor two years ago; I’ve cycled, played football, run. I even climbed Mount Snowdon in Wales two years ago all alone (1085m)…I did ALL this growing up whilst having ASTHMA.
How? Firstly, I never gave up. I never allowed my condition to stop me from living life. I always gave it my all and never allowed anyone to tell me that I couldnt do something (because most often when they did, I did it anyway!). Secondly, I was using alternative forms of medication which were passed down to me through culture and tradition. I will post a lot of the natural remedies I use soon, but one of the biggest players in all of this has been the use of essential oils.
What are essential oils?
In nature, essential oils are found in roots, stems, leaves, resins, flowers, and rinds of the plant. Essential oils help the plant adapt to its ever-changing environment, protecting against threats and providing beneficial properties. When the plant’s aromatic compounds are distilled for purity, potency, and efficacy, they become a powerful tool for maintaining overall health and wellbeing.
Essential oils can be dated back to Ancient Egypt, Greece, Rome, India, and what was known as Persia. Not only can essential oils be used to benefit health, but they can be used to uplift mood and emotion; making them so versatile.
The reason I use them alongside inhalers is because they have a much quicker response time, instantly uplift your mood, and not to mention are so NATURAL!
***Quick essential oil tip for fellow asthmatics*** – Try adding a few drops of eucalyptus oil to a diffuser in your bedroom a few hours before you go to bed. You will find that your airways will be unblocked and you wont struggle with breathing!
As a Wellness Advocate for doTerra, and a Health & Wellbeing Ambassador in the UK’s National Health Service, I love sharing my passion for essential oils and invite you all to learn more about how essential oils can help you and your family’s health and overall wellness at home.
Do get in touch to find out more about doTerra’s essential oils which I use daily!
“I AM”, two most powerful words, for what comes after can shape your very existence.
I Am a WOMAN; I Am a SURVIVOR; I Am an ADVOCATE; I Am an AMBASSADOR; I Am a WARRIOR; I Am CHANGE; I Am a SOUL; I Am a LOVE; I Am a DREAMER; I Am Saira...
For those who have never heard my name before, it is simply a derivative of the name Sarah, pronounced “Sigh-ra”. In Hebrew, Sarah means Princess (THAT I sure am 24/7!), and in Arabic and Persian, Saira means Wanderer (I almost always got lost as a kid wandering off without my parents and tend to have an obsession with travelling, not to mention my mind wandering off ALL THE TIME)- can you tell how fitting my name is!
My mission in life is to understand others so that in that process, I too can understand myself.
Curly Queen | Part time Savage | Narc Survivor | Women Empowerment | Wellness Advocate | Spiritual Soul | Digital Citizen | Health & Wellbeing Ambassador | Zumba | Digital Citizen | ENFP